YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
