I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
