i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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