The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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