I smell stomach acid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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