paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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