Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
