dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
