ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
