They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
