That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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