Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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