He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
