Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize