Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
