I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
