we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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