im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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