were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
