You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
