Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
