I can tuck mytits in my pants
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
