i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
