Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
