My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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