I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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