i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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