Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
