At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize