She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
