Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
