I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
