im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
