i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
