I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
