I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
