Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
