If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
