i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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