So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
