Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
