i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well you can't waste a boner
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
