are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
