I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
