tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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