names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
