There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
