If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
