Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
