rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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