so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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