Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize