It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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