why didn't you poke me back
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So squirting runs in the family.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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