I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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