You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
