I wanna bring you to show and tell
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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