spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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