Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
