the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
