Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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