you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
