Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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