I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
