I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
