Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
