This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
