im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
