im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's get the cat blown out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry about my life...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
