i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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