Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
