Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
