We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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